Towering Fool and Fool's Gold

I. Towering Fool

Everytime i find myself slipping, i'll come back to this. No more slip-ups. No more. If only i could find a way to tattoo it!  

Towering fool,
Only you could be burnished
By the blaze you burned in;
Only you couldn’t be tarnished,
By the weight of your sin.

Towering fool,
Only you could be brighter
Than your infamous past;
And after falling harder than ever,
You get up and consign it as past.

Towering fool,
Only you could fail to see
That retreat is so easy;
That the act of giving in,
Is the easier part of sin.

Towering fool,
Only you could ridiculously dare
To take on failure and stare
Right at the future unseen
Not believing you’re a ”has been”.

Towering fool,
Only you could plod on
Where no mule has ever gone;
Only you could lose it all
And still think you stand tall.

Towering fool,
Didn't anybody tell you
The well regarded wisdom
That fools don’t prosper,
Far less tower over,
Towering Fool?

also appears here.

II. Fool's Gold

Tyler Bryant and The Shakedown are a great new act. Love this song. Been on constant rotation.

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon

Inspired by the title of the Stephen King book.

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon 

The girl who loved Tom Gordon,
Was not the girl who loved me.

She was the one who knew
The taste of cheap caviar,
The smell of faux fur,
And the suits I should wear.

The girl who loved Tom Gordon,
Loved him and not me.

She was the one with
The discriminating eye,
And the tempting tongue
I could not deny.

I am Tom Gordon, and
I know she loves him
And not me.

Also posted here.

Inner Line Permit

Inner Line Permits

I.

The inner line in my heart
And the inner lining of my brain,
together: my Inner Lines, don't permit
Me to be sans decorum
While pointing out the insane.

They don't permit me
To slide out my knife
And slip it between the ribs
of the Nepali boy who fell
in love and took a Khasi wife

They don't permit me
to introduce his skin to petrol
and fire; to purge us of his
devilry, that unentitled, supposedly
economy consuming, leech without control.

They don't permit me
To ignore his penance -
That he has lived on this land
As long as i have and he has loved
Without giving hate or race a chance.

II.

My Inner Lines
Don't permit me to blame
The migrant labour for the follies
Of my government, for our shortcomings,
For having the hunger to work for lesser
For leaving families afar
And working in simmering danger
Amidst bare fangs dying to strip
Them off the dignity of slogging for
A hundred rupees when the bare fangs refuse
A hundred rupees as not fair market value.

My Inner Lines
Don't permit me to steal away quietly
And ambush a puja pandal 
To protest the lazyness of the assamese
Or Bengali origin, who do nothing but
Sit at homes and wait for government largesse
While we toil on the arid fields and give our gatherings
To the poorest of the poor.

If i were, occasionally tempted,
To douse and burn with petrol or slide the knife
Out, I'd do well to remember, the Nepali boy
was my dearest childhood friend and the assamese
man studied by the candlelight while
I moonlighted as romeo on the roads,
With someone else's agenda planted in my mind.


III.

We are settlers, of Mon Khmer and Shan
Extract; we have come to create
Our own rituals, art, song, dance; we
Created tradition and culture; We were indigenous,
Yet many came to believe in the Son
Of God not the sun;
We of the duitara took to
The six stringed and left behind
The devanagiri for the anglicised roman;
We morphed, evolved, coexisted as living
Culture and tradition does, and yet
We permit
Our Inner Lines
To be corrupted
By the lies and deceits,
the pretences and conceit
Of those whose mental culture
Is blood and war,
Fear mongering and power grabbing,
Sectioning and fiefdoming
Our hearts, our brains,
Our Inner Lines.

Khasi – the people indigenous to the Khasi Hills of Meghalaya, India

Assames – people from Assam, a neighbouring state.

Bengali – people who originally hailed from West Bengal.

Puja Pandal – the ornate tents constructed during the durga puja festival celebrated by the Hindus (who are in a minority in Shillong)

Mon Khmer – of cambodian origin/roots ( the Khasis are believed to have Mon Khmer origins)

Shan – of Burmese origins (the Garos who are indigenous to the Garo Hills of Meghalaya, India are believed to be of Burmese/Shan origin).

Duitara – an indigenous stringed instrument. Literally it means “two stringed”.

Devanagiri – the script in which Hindi, Sanskrit, Assamese etc. And many other Indian languages are written in.

[Note: Shillong is going through tough times- there is a huge debate that confuses economic problems with issues of culture and identity. Of late it has become politicised and has also started taking a more violent hue – a distinction has been drawn by some between the indigenous and the settlers or those who have come here for a wage. These are dangerous trajectories that call for us to examine our motives, our reasons and to really identify the problems that exist. The Inner Line Permit has been mooted as a solution – essentially, a system of permit which controls/permits/denies non-indigenous people permission to travel/stay in a particular are without having secured an Inner Line Permit. A dangerous solution that harkens back the old days of segregation that we've fought hard to overcome]

On Fear, Resolving Issues, A Shillong Born Voice and the Genius of Dave Chappelle

I. Fear

Why should I
Be afraid
That
The truth shall
Set you
Free?
All I am
Worried of
Is
That the truth
Shall set
You
Loose upon me.

II. Resolving

Give me sometime
To visit myself
And watch my life
Hung on a shelf
Before the future grime
Of nine to nine routine
Morphs into self-hate crime
And truly hangs me on a shelf.

Give me sometime
To quit and getaway
From this practiced life
That i may get by this day
Before my past’s grime

Coalesces in lazy style
Over my life’s prime
And posteriorizes this practiced day.

III. A New Writer (Sort of)

I was very pleasantly surprised by Boats on Land. Sure, it had traditional motifs and a timbre that would resonate wonderfully well with someone who grew up in Shillong. But there was more to it then the easily handed plaudits of "roots writing" or regional depiction. The love of words, the twist of tongue, and the phrasing were things that stood out. Stripped out of its current context, the thought and craft would still stand. And that is exactly why it is easy to look forward to the next book, the next piece. Whatever context it sets, the craft and technique should still remain.

Recently I blogged about Craig Arnold who possessed a wonderful voice. I think that she also possesses a distinct voice that is not distinct for its own sake. If you are interested in delving into more of Janice Pariat's work, you could do worse than start with her website. You could also whet your appetite at this link: The Saint of Lost Things.

IV. Why We Celebrate Dave Chapelle

Material, and delivery. Stunning. Every single time. Genius makes complicated shiite look simple, don't it?

Depression

On Depression

 

Yesterday, my heart skipped, hopped and jumped
At the sight of the tide coming in,
Free as the sliding sun, breaking a path through my
closed eyes.

This evening, i saw the tide come in, perched in much
the same space as yesterday; whether it was the same or not,
my heart still skipped, hopped and jumped, this time into
A dark pool of the unexplicable, the unexplainable,
The unascertainable.

There are
phases where i cherish company,

And then there are those times i perish
when with more than three;

Moments I run from all around,
Hiding in solitude and those moments i gravitate towards, hiding
in plainsight.

Everyday is constituted
Of these different moments,

Unshaped,unintended, unrequested,
Always lurking, always peeking, a

Always looming, always threatening
And always quick to settle,

Quick to conquer

And quick to confound.

And the day turns, as the hours do, as the tide does.

The tides, they come and they go, sometimes within the month, sometimes within the week,

Within the day, within the hour, within now. Sometimes i know,

Sometimes i don't but the tides still come and go,

Unclocked, unfettered, unstructured, unerring.

And then the tides creeps up, creeps up, creeps up upon,
Creeps up upon you, upon me, upon us, upon them. Tide no more. Tidal
Waves.

And
As i coil
Recoil, uncoil
Bounce back, come back, rise from amongst the dead,
From those accounted amongst the drowned.
Present myself, show myself, tentatively extent a hand,
An olive branch to them, to some, and to you,
Fresh from being swept back to the beach by the tide,
With my pride in hand and eyes down, I see them
Glazed from not seeing which is a mercy small. I see some
slide a look accusing me of being comer and goer,

Of being a person who picks his moments. They are
unlike you, whose heart is large and warm, welcoming
And embracing of another whose moments pick him. But you
Are one, are solitary, are only, are mono, and your patience is
immense and arms strong, strong enough to hold, to embrace,
to hold steady, for only so long, for only so many turns of the tides.

Maybe i might, maybe i should, maybe i could
Reveal, the contradictions that define
The sudden swell, the quicker fall, the surprising calm.

If i tell you that i cannot live without

the silence encountered at three a.m.. Calm.
Till this calm, every now and then, reveals a guttural timbre when the silence
hums, humms, hummms, hummmms

To a small, steady beat of midnight peaked, a beat that

Gathers around and begin a propulsive roll that forments

The thoughts already latent, thoughts that grow

Long, unwieldy, erratic shadows, that open doors hiding sunshine

and doors hiding the darkness of the night. That each propulsive roll

Leads to a different door, not doors. A door

Behind which hides only one. Not a choice, not russian

Roulette, only a rigged game, only a rigged game.

But if you wait, if you could wait,

There will be a door, behind which

The sunshine will be swept ashore by the tide. And if you wait some more,

And help me wait,maybe the tide will come in

Once more, as a tide, as a tide. And everyday will

Be better, will be better.

On depression:

I have met many people who have gone through depression, in one form or the other. Many were themselves unaware that they were suffering from depression. Often, people react to depression in terms of the symptoms they see. Erratic habits, excesses ranging from over eating to loss of appetite, to sleep disorders, to social complexes etc. The processes that makeup, influence and cause depression are complicated, ranging from the social to the scientific.

According to WHO, more than 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. Think about that. 350 million. The odds are not good. Figures stacked up? Someone in your family or immediate circle of friends could be battling depression right now.

Another report pegs the depression stats (their definition differs from WHO) at 121 million. Still 121 million. According to the same report, more than 36% of the reported Major Depressive Episodes, in the world, occurs in India. Think about that. 36% of any disease, leave aside a mental health disease, being reported in India. A country not famous for medical incidents being reported at all. Whatever way the statistics work, and i have not done enough fact checking to boldly state one way or the other, the bottomline is that Depression is Prevalent. Depressingly prevalent.

If you know someone, or suspect that someone is suffering from depression, reach out to them. Be patient, be gentle. Help them get help, if necessary. Above all, a bit of peace, love and understanding.

Today's Prayer

For Liam

For Liam

Liam,
Smile your smile for a while,
That smile so burnished by the warmth
Of your young heart that does not  yet
Understand sin; that is propulsed by
the love surrounding you. Hold on to your smile
For it makes lives worthwhile.

Liam,
This is a funny old world; made specially for
Those eyes agog and small hands that grasp
And drop and push and undo and unravel
The mechanical world around you, urging it to come undone
Not realising that we're something you're yet to become:
We've all already come undone.

Liam,
Sleep close to your mother's heart
And by your father's arms, proud and strong,
Be warm as the love they show and straight as the rod
They may occasionally use; Sing like they sing, pray
As they pray, love as they love, give as they give,
For they may well be the most forgotten, oft overlooked,
Constantly unseen gift you receive.

Of Shillong Burning, the Courage to Stand, Why Do the Good Die Young and A Voice that Haunts Me

I. Burning

The Shillong Times reports that a special court will be set up to try cases of arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP agitation. You can access the article here: http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/

What is worrying is that in a city of 143,000, a bulk of whom are educated, there is hardly any encouraging dialogue or even conversations happening about the issues. The entire debate seems to be hijacked by a particular kind of voice. Whether the voice is right or wrong, the absence of (and perhaps the absence of space?) for multiple voices is conspicuous by its absence.

What justifies violence? What justifies hate? What justifies cruelty? Where is the root of our anguish? What are we doing to address the real causes? Reading reports such as this: http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/11/tension-ridden-durga-puja/ saddens me immensely.

Being from Shillong, i spent five years in Bangalore and more than three in Delhi and, yes, there are people just like a lot of us there. They wear similar attitudes and hold similar notions close to their hairy chests.  Are there stereotypes? Yes. Can they be overcome? Yes. Did my origins matter? Not too most but to some. For most, who i was and what i did was more important. What i also learned is that those who bought into and perpetuated the stereotypes did so for two reasons: (i) they were too lazy to think and it was the easiest thing to buy off the shelf of past by expiry date thoughts; or (ii) they were so trapped by their situation that believing and perpetuating such stereotypes was a way for them to feel good about themselves.

The bottom line? We are now behaving like slaves to stereotypes, handed-down, long worn out notions that don't bear closer scrutiny for the most part.

Why love when you can hate seems to be what we have come to embrace.

II. The Courage to Stand

The story of Malala Yousafzai is so empowering and very well known by now. I was impressed by what she had to say when she was interviewed by Jon Stewart of the Daily Show.

Listen for yourself:

Lord, give us the courage to stand, to look inside ourselves and smell the rot.

III. Why do the Good Die Young?

There is a kind of people, those that are epoch defining, generation shifting and when they have marked the land where they stand, they disappear. For good. I have recently discovered Craig Arnold and was blown away by his poetry. More than the art and the skill, his philosophy, the way he saw things. Those stand out. Like that other great loss Jeff Buckley (swimming) he died when he was communing with nature, on a trek.

Lines for painting on grains of rice  got me hooked. Permanently.

Lines like these:

Love is like velocity we feel the speeding up

            and the slowing down otherwise not at all

the more steady the more it feels like going nowhere

            my love I want to go nowhere with you

This is a good place to start, if you are so inclined: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/craig-arnold#poet

IV. A Voice that Haunts

To think that Steve Wold could have gone through his life unheard. How fortunate are we that into his sixties and spurred on by his health, he decided to share his gift in such a grand way. Seasick Steve.


 

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

THE decision taken by the MUA-2 Government to set up a special court to try cases related to arson and other crimes committed as part of the ILP demand agitation, could not have come a day later. This is a landmark decision that a government mandated to govern has done and perhaps should have done much earlier. The Supreme Court order is a lever for all state governments to use against groups involved in disruptive activities that bring all functions of private and public institutions to a grinding halt. That the state government is also computing the quantum of loss occurred due to disruption in its functioning and also the loss to public property is a welcome breather for many who watch in frustration at the rapid deterioration of law and order in Meghalaya, if not its complete absence
Read more at http://www.theshillongtimes.com/2013/10/04/defining-moment-for-meghalaya/#jgB8H3ZgRUr5Mcqd.99

Of Narratives, Life On Mars and Things that Kinda Linger

I. Narrative and Politics

What is a narrative? A narrative is, in essence, telling a story using a set of facts, tying them up together in a coherent (or at least an attempt at) manner towards a particular conclusion.

Who uses narrative? Well, anyone interested in telling stories, really. It is one of the common rhetorical devices employed in literature. It helps tell a story. To rephrase that, it helps tell a version of how events happened.

Historiography also co-opts narratives. Now, one would think that the historian is chiefly concerned with his or her facts. Far from it, many historians are concerned with narrative: telling a story using the same recycled facts.

Our dear politicians too seem to be fairly skilled in employing the narrative device. They could teach us writers, historians etc. a thing or two about rearticulating nay reinventing reality. Apparently, the scientist who proposed the parallel universe theory was a politician in a parallel universe.

The point is - look at the recent ordinance that was withdrawn. Everyone knows that politics is criminalised. The Supreme Court (rightly or wrongly, separate of powers or not) boldly passed a judgment prohibiting politicians of a certain antecedent from, essentially, representing us. These are facts. More facts? Practically every party in parliament (refer to the minutes of the all party meeting. Use blackle, if you must) assented to the bill being introduced. Fact. Bill was introduced and then sent to the standing committee. Parliament session closes. Fact. Ordinance is proposed. Initially, opposition is to the nature of ordinance and not the content or the bills (you can use youtube to verify). Then, then, well, you know the sequence of events, right? The BJP's shift, Rahul Gandhi's outburst, the withdrawal. Most important fact: all were in favour to begin with. Narrative: Depending on the political positioning, every one is trying to rewrite or shall we say - engage in a different version of history. Lesson: If you know the facts, ignore the narrative. Make your own up. 

On this theme, one of the biggest regrets of my life is that i will never be able to meet George Carlin, have a conversation with him over lunch and just sit and listen. Here is why:

II. Life On Mars

I read a piece in the local daily Mawphor, the other day and thought i would do a bit of investigating.

I was surprised that the good lord waited for us to spend billions to get to Mars before the grand unveiling happened. Apparently, prayer may not be the way. If one were to go by the information relayed.

I cannot, unfortunately, find a copy of the article online. They may have realised quickly, what it was that they were putting out for consumption, being a news paper and all. If so, good on them.

Google - thanks to its indexing - still threw these up as search results:

You ask me to consider the possibilities? Okay, let us!

As for me, I say we should let David Bowie shed more light on this. Nobody knows more about the Mars on Earth better than David.

III. Not The Nine O'Clock News

If you have run out of things to watch on the telly or if you need to be entertained or if you are stark raving mad (especially if you are stark raving mad) you could do a lot, lot worse than watch its Not The Nine O'Clock News. It KINDA LINGERS. It really, does. Arnab, take this.

Existentialism or Existential Crisis or Deconstruction of a Young Mind?

"The mind is an excellent servant but a terrrible master"

Last post, i started with "Something. Has. Been. Bothering. Me". This  time, i won't (i didn't). Started like a manufactured essay with that quote, though. Well, that may be because this is titled "Existentialism or Existential Crisis or Deconstruction of a Young Mind?" but i don't care. After all, should we not apply the rule: "The world is full of apathy and i don’t care". There, i have successfully managed to derail what was supposed to be a thoughtful introduction because context is everything (or was it king?), right?

I. The "I" Question

I am,

I am circled in,

I am encircled by

Religion's sin

I am,

I identify,

I am identified by

Identity

Am I

Aroused by

An imagined, enacted

Reality?

Am I

What's been whispered to me

That I am

Supposed to be?

Am I

A plasticine man

Told and played

Conducted and directed?

Am I who I'm told I am?

II. The "Who Is" Question?

Science and questions,

Answers and religions,

The what do you knows,

The who do you knows,

The problem of origin,

The problem of original sin,

No one knows, no one knows.

Starting assumptions,

Incomplete explanations,

Designed or a dance with chance?

Neither is here,Neither is there,

Each begins with

A leap of faith, A leap of faith.

III. The "Choice" Answer 

Pacifists, realists

Apologists, rationalists,

Crusaders, crucifiers,

Perpetrators, actors,

Populists, artists,

Creationists, scientists,

I could be all,

I could be none,

I could be another,

But I'd rather

Be a constant,

The common human denominator.

.............................................................................

For those interested in an engaging conversation (yes, Richard Dawkins is featured - he is one of the best firestarters i know) somewhat related to the theme that this piece tries to address (touch upon is perhaps a better choice of words. egads), you could do worse than consider this as your debate kickstarter:

Whats interesting to note is that Richard Dawkins places himself at a 6 out of 7, an "unlikelyist". What an honest position to take! After all, the absence of proof is no proof neither is it proof that no proof can exist. Neither here nor there.  Ultimately, we all begin (or end with) a leap of faith. If we don't, then we must be prepared to sleep with an incomplete, imperfect picture.

As for me, i know that i'd - in the least - always want to be  humanist.

Unrelated:

And since it is already 1:30 in the morning and i should be either studying or sleeping, this should help me (and you, if you should ever need a mood-setting @ 1:30  a.m)

I love this song about as much as i love Hallelujah. Leonard Cohen is a poet. All good lyricists have to be. There are some other pretty extraordinary and distinct versions by Adam Cohen, Joe Bonamassa and Katey Sagal. Each deserves a listen, each does.