Depression

On Depression

 

Yesterday, my heart skipped, hopped and jumped
At the sight of the tide coming in,
Free as the sliding sun, breaking a path through my
closed eyes.

This evening, i saw the tide come in, perched in much
the same space as yesterday; whether it was the same or not,
my heart still skipped, hopped and jumped, this time into
A dark pool of the unexplicable, the unexplainable,
The unascertainable.

There are
phases where i cherish company,

And then there are those times i perish
when with more than three;

Moments I run from all around,
Hiding in solitude and those moments i gravitate towards, hiding
in plainsight.

Everyday is constituted
Of these different moments,

Unshaped,unintended, unrequested,
Always lurking, always peeking, a

Always looming, always threatening
And always quick to settle,

Quick to conquer

And quick to confound.

And the day turns, as the hours do, as the tide does.

The tides, they come and they go, sometimes within the month, sometimes within the week,

Within the day, within the hour, within now. Sometimes i know,

Sometimes i don't but the tides still come and go,

Unclocked, unfettered, unstructured, unerring.

And then the tides creeps up, creeps up, creeps up upon,
Creeps up upon you, upon me, upon us, upon them. Tide no more. Tidal
Waves.

And
As i coil
Recoil, uncoil
Bounce back, come back, rise from amongst the dead,
From those accounted amongst the drowned.
Present myself, show myself, tentatively extent a hand,
An olive branch to them, to some, and to you,
Fresh from being swept back to the beach by the tide,
With my pride in hand and eyes down, I see them
Glazed from not seeing which is a mercy small. I see some
slide a look accusing me of being comer and goer,

Of being a person who picks his moments. They are
unlike you, whose heart is large and warm, welcoming
And embracing of another whose moments pick him. But you
Are one, are solitary, are only, are mono, and your patience is
immense and arms strong, strong enough to hold, to embrace,
to hold steady, for only so long, for only so many turns of the tides.

Maybe i might, maybe i should, maybe i could
Reveal, the contradictions that define
The sudden swell, the quicker fall, the surprising calm.

If i tell you that i cannot live without

the silence encountered at three a.m.. Calm.
Till this calm, every now and then, reveals a guttural timbre when the silence
hums, humms, hummms, hummmms

To a small, steady beat of midnight peaked, a beat that

Gathers around and begin a propulsive roll that forments

The thoughts already latent, thoughts that grow

Long, unwieldy, erratic shadows, that open doors hiding sunshine

and doors hiding the darkness of the night. That each propulsive roll

Leads to a different door, not doors. A door

Behind which hides only one. Not a choice, not russian

Roulette, only a rigged game, only a rigged game.

But if you wait, if you could wait,

There will be a door, behind which

The sunshine will be swept ashore by the tide. And if you wait some more,

And help me wait,maybe the tide will come in

Once more, as a tide, as a tide. And everyday will

Be better, will be better.

On depression:

I have met many people who have gone through depression, in one form or the other. Many were themselves unaware that they were suffering from depression. Often, people react to depression in terms of the symptoms they see. Erratic habits, excesses ranging from over eating to loss of appetite, to sleep disorders, to social complexes etc. The processes that makeup, influence and cause depression are complicated, ranging from the social to the scientific.

According to WHO, more than 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. Think about that. 350 million. The odds are not good. Figures stacked up? Someone in your family or immediate circle of friends could be battling depression right now.

Another report pegs the depression stats (their definition differs from WHO) at 121 million. Still 121 million. According to the same report, more than 36% of the reported Major Depressive Episodes, in the world, occurs in India. Think about that. 36% of any disease, leave aside a mental health disease, being reported in India. A country not famous for medical incidents being reported at all. Whatever way the statistics work, and i have not done enough fact checking to boldly state one way or the other, the bottomline is that Depression is Prevalent. Depressingly prevalent.

If you know someone, or suspect that someone is suffering from depression, reach out to them. Be patient, be gentle. Help them get help, if necessary. Above all, a bit of peace, love and understanding.

Today's Prayer